MY JOURNEY TO PARENTHOOD
In December 2014, I gave birth to our miracle child. A beautiful baby boy, Emmanuel. When I say miracle baby I truly mean he's a miracle. Now don't get me wrong all babies are miracles but I'm going to share with you my story and you'll understand why my little Manny is a true blessing from above.
Let me start my story by saying I struggled with infertility for years. In fact, I struggled to conceive for 9 years with my ex-husband. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and Endometriosis by a specialist back in 2005. I went through countless lab tests, multiple surgeries, appointments and several specialists over the years. To no avail, I never conceived.
My ex-husband and I divorced in 2012 and I thought that was going to it. I was trying to cope with the reality that my chances of being a Mom were even slimmer now that I was single. I was newly divorced, emotionally broken, stressed, financially burdened to the point I nearly lost my home and I lacked the confidence, the drive and desire to be my true self for a while. The divorce was mutual, but I had spent my entire twenties with him and that's all I knew. I needed to pull myself out of the pitch black hole I found myself in & get my life back together! It wasn't easy and it sucked but I did it!
About a month after my divorce, I received a random Facebook message from a guy (my husband) I met the year prior. We met through a mutual family friend, spoke briefly the night we met and that was it. So, to receive a message from him was completely out of the ordinary. We chatted and he, of course, asked me about my ex and whether we were able to conceive or if we adopted.
Gulp! Is this guy for real? Did he seriously just ask me that? If I could have crawled any further into the black hole that I was calling home I would have. I was SO embarrassed and ashamed that I need to tell him the truth. I needed to face my reality and tell him that I was no longer married and that we never had any children. All I kept thinking about was, what was he going to think of me? Why was he talking to me? Is he going to think I'm a loser?
I had told him my "news" and much to my surprise he wanted to meet up. Say what?!?! Is this guy crazy? I mean, for real...seriously? I just got done telling him I was divorced, unable to bear children and dealing with my own personal demons. I was hesitant but he somehow got me to meet up with him and we spoke for hours! We talked about our families, our future, our goals, dreams, hopes & desires. I had this deep connection with him which I was not even expecting.
You see, the first night we met it was at my younger sisters' birthday party. I was introduced to him because he was with the group of people that we were all with. I was still married to my ex-husband at the time so we didn't really talk. When we did speak, the man never looked me in the eyes! Seriously! He would look EVERYWHERE else but at me. Really?!?! So naturally, I assumed he was just plain ole rude and left it at that. So for us to have a deep connection and be so in alignment was weird for me. But I digress...
The day after our "first date", I went to one of my sisters and I told her, "You mark my words. I am going to marry that man one day!" Naturally, she told me I was crazy and asked what seemed like a million questions. She questioned every response I had because she felt that I was just not in the right place to be seeing someone new. But you know what? I believe God put him back in my life for a reason. We were meant to be together. As crazy as that may sound, I knew the moment he kissed me. When my knees buckled from his passionate kiss, it was then that I realized our connection was on a whole deeper level. I had never been more clear about anything in my life. Without a shadow of a doubt, I knew we were going to be married one day.
We had a wonderful courtship, a beautiful romance and eventually he moved in. In July 2013, I had an emergency surgery that resulted in a surprise removal of my right ovary and tube. I was told when I woke from anesthesia, that my left tube was completely blocked and that I would NEVER conceive on my own. I was also told that IF I were to have surgery to repair my tube that my chances of conceiving would increase slightly but there was no guarantee. Imagine my surprise, the pain, betrayal, and frustration that my routine surgery to remove a cyst resulted in me reducing my chances of conceiving even more. And another surgery would only increase my chances slight. I was devastated! Completely heartbroken and scared to death that the man I had fallen deeply in love with was going to leave me because I may never be able to provide him with a family.
He began to pray daily with his rosary on my stomach that one day we would become parents. I too began to pray. I swear a said a bazillion Hail Mary's. I had morning chats with God daily and continued to pray a Hail Mary every chance that I could. For me it was a way of consoling myself and a way to deepen my relationship with God. I was hurting and didn't know what else to do other than to pray, so I did.
In March of 2014, much to our surprise, I found out that I was PREGNANT! We could not have been more thrilled! From day one, my amazing husband had always told me that if it was my dream to be a Mother then it would happen as God is his witness. I'm here to tell you that I did NOT have the surgery. I did NOT do anything special with a diet, go on any medications or do a special treatment. The only thing I did aside from A LOT of praying was in February 2014, I finally told God that I trusted in him and believed that if it was his will for me to be a Mom that he would grace me with his blessing when the timing was right. I continued to pray Hail Mary's multiple times a day and to discover that I miraculously conceived was a moment that I will never forget. Our little miracle was due to arrive 12/13/14.
Our blessing from above, Emmanuel Xavier Wahuia Brissi, was born 12/10/14. He weighed 8lbs 9oz and was 21 inches long. I never thought this day would come! My dream of being a Mom had finally come true. I was scared, nervous, excited and so grateful for the opportunity to be Manny's Mommy. I never knew that I could love someone so much that it hurt! He came into this world and is absolutely perfect!