New Year New You. Do you ever feel mocked by it all? Endless social media posts, videos, classes, groups…. It’s enough to make you scream. Why do you think so many people are desperate to create something new in the first place? Are they dissatisfied with their lives, their bodies, their friends, their activities, and actions? Let’s be honest, if you really started to dig into that question, where does it all stem from?
After nine years of struggling to conceive, I received God's grace!
On December 10, 2014, I gave birth to a bouncing and beautiful baby boy. To this day, I can't help but look into his sweet face and feel blessed to be his Mom. It's amazing to think that for years, I never thought I would be a Mom and yet, here he is. My perfect, sweet, rambunctious little boy.
My journey to parenthood was long and arduous. There were times I cursed God, turned my back on my faith, questioned everything I was doing, and more.
Am I proud of this behavior?
Nope! However, I know that through my pain and anguish God never left my side despite me turning my back on him. I believe I had to endure the heartache and suffering that I did for me to see the light.
In full transparency, I was incredibly unhappy, depressed, and quite frankly hated life. I was miserable. I walked around with a fake smile and told everyone life was great, when in reality I had never felt more alone, broken, ashamed, and lost. Those nine years were some of the darkest days of my life, and I don't wish them onto anyone.
To share a bit about my journey to parenthood, let me start by backing up to when I was diagnosed with infertility.
Most people start their breast cancer stories with the day they are diagnosed. I am starting mine from the day before because I was feeling great that day, I was already a breast cancer survivor, so what could go wrong?
Twenty-four hours later everything changed. My faith was tested once again. I was told I had cancer for the second time. I was told that I needed chemo, I was told that I was going to need a mastectomy and I was told that I was going to loose my hair. My faith was now in the hands of doctors, in the chemicals that were about to kill me (to keep me alive) and the wisdom to know that everything was going to be alright.
Not only did I now have cancer, but I was also jobless. Really, how much more can one person’s faith be tested? After crying for about two days, I decided I needed to do something. I needed people, family, friends, and organizations to give me faith. I did not have it right now. It was hard to even see the small signs of faith. My bones ached, I was so tired I couldn’t even walk down the block, and I was an emotional wreck every time I lost more hair. Every day was a struggle, and when I started feeling better, it was time for chemo again.
In spirit of National Infertility Awareness Week (April 26th-30th), I felt compelled to share with you my story. Hi, for those of you who don't know me, my name is Kayla and I'm a Mommy to a beautiful, VERY rambunctious, miraculous, little boy. When I say miracle, I truly mean it. Here's why...
I struggled to conceive for 9 years and invested in several specialists, took medications, had surgeries all in an attempt to help me conceive. Sadly, we never did conceive and we easily spent 5 figures on our mission to be parents.
I dealt with my own personal hell for years too with my body changing, gaining weight at rapid speeds (90 lbs in 2 months), hormones on a continuous roller coaster, depression, anxiety and more! It's no wonder why we divorced!
A few months ago, I was feeling lost, stuck, insecure, unfulfilled in my life and knew I wasn't living my life with passion and purpose. I knew that I wanted to start my own business and for some time I had been looking at starting an online boutique. I LOVE boutiques. However, I was still not 100% convinced that opening a boutique was my calling. How was I really helping people in a positive way? How was I truly giving back to others? For me, it wasn't enough. So I struggled with trying to find my purpose. I know I wanted to help inspire, empower and enrich women's lives, but I had no idea what I was going to do. So I continued to ponder...
In December 2014, I gave birth to our miracle child. A beautiful baby boy, Emmanuel. When I say miracle baby I truly mean he's a miracle. Now don't get me wrong all babies are miracles but I'm going to share with you my story and you'll understand why my little Manny is a true blessing from above.
I struggled to conceive for 9 years with my ex-husband. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and Endometriosis by a specialist back in 2005. I went through countless lab tests, multiple surgeries, appointments and several specialists over the years. To no avail, I never conceived.
In July 2013, I had an emergency surgery that resulted in a surprise removal of my right ovary and tube. I was told when I woke from anesthesia, that my left tube was completely blocked and that I would NEVER conceive on my own. I was devastated! Completely heartbroken and scared to death that the man I had fallen deeply in love with was going to leave me because I may never be able to provide him with a family.
In March of 2014, much to our surprise, I found out that I was PREGNANT! We could not have been more thrilled! Our little miracle was due to arrive 12/13/14.